When life gives you Emails
by SamaSurreal
Summary: You hear a bing and what do you get? Mail. A sasuke and naruto story.
1. Chapter 1

When Life gives you emails.

Sasuke is your regular class A+ student, with your average life. He's from Manhattan, New York, and goes to NYU. Nothing special... Really, nothing at all to write about.

Sasuke squints his eyes at the computer again, sighing lightly as his fingers type his keys in constructive boredom.

Yes, Sasuke is bored. Evidence of such; he just posted a long-ass entry on his LiveJournal. Yes, the one with his sasUKE signature.

Why would he do that? Surely he's disturbed. Normally, the Uchiha heir would ever find anything

on the net that would even catch his interest. Especially not now.

Nope, nothing. Not even an email from one of his many stalkers. That includes on both genders.

Nothing. At. All.

This time it's even worse than usual. He can't even find anything good to read and though there's frequently something on AdultFanfiction.

Yes, he's a fan to some extent and he's even published a few good stories… Which reminds him… He needs to work on the next chapter of, Cum, Cum Paradise.

He's such a perv, ain't he?

Black eyes rolled, accompanied by a sigh; portraying the hopelessness of finding a decent story to read.

It really is strange. He's read a lot of great stories. Just the other day he read Just One Thing I Hate by animehead... He seriously thinks he has stalkers now... More than 20, if the information in that fic is true... Actually, he found the story to be quite good. Only... Why the hell hasn't she put up a lemon of him and Naruto?! The same could be said for Go Get 'em Tiger... I mean who likes red heads?

Okay.

Yes, he's shitting you all because he knows you're reading his LiveJournal.

That's the best part isn't it?

He can bad mouth anyone without so much as opening up his mouth. I mean come on!!! He just has to give you one look and make you feel stupid?

Hn.

Okay, no more talking to himself...

It's starting to really creep him out,

Ooooooo what's this?

Sasuke raises an eyebrow when the tell-tale 'You've Got Mail' starts flashing on the screen.

Who the hell would be sending him an email?

It's probably a virus...

Best to delete it and save himself the trouble.

Sasuke pauses when his finger is about to hit the delete key, hesitating over the fact that...

Wait why is he stalling? He's Uchiha Sasuke! He doesn't stall!

Still...

The name FoxS30 catches his attention, even though the name is unknown.

Who the hell is that?

Probably another stalker…

Figures…

With a roll of his eyes he attempts to delete the suspicious e-mail… But curses!

How does one spill soda on his person?

Okay,

That's better. Nice and clean.

He sits up-right again, blinking at his screen. Shit. Did he just press enter? He must have on accident... Good thing no one's around to call him a LIAR!

May as well take a peek, ne?

Sasuke's eyes could have popped out and that's saying a lot.

Anyone got a tissue?

What the fuck is this shit?

Sasuke scoots in to get a closer view. He squints his eyes-yes, he does that often-and re-reads the passage. Is this a gay porn ad?

No. There isn't even a link...

The e-mail is intriguing...

The message itself was funny, though poorly written to the extent of making the Uchiha sick but it did have something that made the Uchiha want to reply back.

Even though the person's grammar sucks big time, one word caught his attention.

Alone.

Who's lonely?

Not him, not the Uchiha.

Was this... FoxyS30 lonely?

A big frown crosses the Uchiha's face again...

Can you believe it? Sasuke's replying back!

No, he's not writing a big sappy, 'I'd like to be your friend crap' or 'My cock's bigger then yours sucker,' No.

He wrote...

Alone too..

That's it.

Two words.

He doesn't know what he's doing and he doubting he's in his right mind.

All in all,

He feels just as lonely as this Fox fellow suggests.

The hardest part of all is waiting for this person to reply...

BETA GUYS!!! Thanks to yours truly, Oraday, the sweet heart! She beta my story!! OMG I LOVE HER! She's just so sweet and rules so frigging much so kudos' to her! Remember to check out her work! Everything here on out will be beta! GAH! I love her! Kawi! Now you know the drill guys.

Like it? Hate it? GAH! I know it's random, but I was inspired by animehead!! I just love how she conducts her story Just One Thing I Hate! I'm a big fan of Go Get 'em Tiger too, so please, no one think I'm bad mouthing them! I'm not! rules! Ttul guys! See ya!


	2. Chapter 2

When life gives you Emails.

Three days...

It's been three fucking days since he last heard from FoxyS30.

Not that Sasuke cares.

Nope.

Not one bit.

I mean, you could hardly say he was disappointed or felt stood up.

That's just not like him.

God what an idiot,

No, not himself.

He's referring to...

THAT DAMN FOX!!!!

Okay, deep breaths. Regains composure...

There.

Okay.

Sasuke wasn't getting into this.

And he won't feel bad when he takes it out on the Hyuuga whatcha's face tomorrow.

Really, Who has pale eyes?

The freak.

Fuck, he really, meaning me, Sasuke, needs to stop talking in third person.

It's quiet now,

Nothing but the sound of biting nails...

Hn.

No, he's not biting his nails!!

As an Uchiha, he is perfect.

He does not bite his nails...

Heh...

He glances at his carpet.

Better vacuum to get rid of the evidence.

Sasuke spun around in his chair and grabbed his bag. Good thing he does his homework early to bullshit around like this.

Hey! He got a review!

From: Naruke!

Cum, Cum Paradise rules. Screw all who think less.

That's a pretty cool review.

Slipping his headphones on, he turns the volume all the way up.

Sum 41 rules.

The Uchiha says so,

That's why he searched his bag, you dork.

No vibrator there.

He's twisted ain't he?

And gay,

Maybe.

Sasuke raises an eyebrow when the tell-tale, 'You've Got Mail' dings.

It's FoxyS30.

Sasuke's frown darkens.

He should just delete it.

He opens it.

He wasn't expecting this…

This Foxy character is quite nosy

And loud.

Who sends e-cards anymore?

Greeting ones at best...

Sighing, he replies.

Maybe he won't be kept waiting so long this time.

Really though, he doesn't even know why he bothers.

At least the idiot apologized,

Better vacuum now and sleep.

The Uchiha needs his rest after all.

12:45

Sleep.

Maybe he won't be so lonely now...

BETA GUYS!!! Thanks to yours truly, Oraday, the sweet heart! She beta my story!! OMG I LOVE HER! She's just so sweet and rules so frigging much so kudos' to her! Remember to check out her work! Everything here on out will be beta! GAH! I love her! Kawi! Now you know the drill guys.

Like it? Hate it? GAH! I got too excited to wait to type out the second chapter!! I hope you guys like it! Omg...I can't believe the many hits I got in one hour!! I seriously hope you guys like it and GAH! I love u animehead and Danii The Muse. You both rock my world!! Does anyone notice how the writing is a bit strange? I'm going with the flow of how anyone would write while chatting with there guys and gals! Hehehe! I love you all, seriously! Ttul later!! Next up? ITS NARUTO! And thank you to the one person who reviewed me one mediaminer! You rock!

P.S. Next chappie? The secrets out! The chapter where everyone finds out what Foxy sent Sasuke!! WEEE!


	3. Chapter 3

When life gives you Emails.

Everyone calls him dense, stupid, a prankster. A dobe!!! But he has them all fooled, you see?

Even that Sasuke bastard.

Yes, the great Naruto Uzumaki has everyone played.

Especially that Uchiha...

Not Itachi Uchiha.

No,

That bastard Sasuke Uchiha.

Now everyone underestimates him.

In everything,

But he's smart!!

Just lazy,

Remember that.

So smart he out wits the witty Uchiha?

Hey that rhymes!

Naruto cackles as he peers at his laptops screen from his bed, occasionally throwing paper balls into the trash can.

And missing.

Naruto isn't dense! I mean how lame can you get and use sasUKE as your screenname? It's so obvious.

LAME-O!

And Sasuke doesn't have a clue it's him! Foxy was just for fun since he got a stuffed plushy of one.

Naruto hugs his plushy close all the while shooting hoops and checking email.

Ain't multitasking fun?

The S, stands for September and the 30th is his birth date.

Neat, ne?

And he has everyone fooled...

Including Sasuke bastard.

He's in mid-type and mid-throw, dropping the plushy.

Maybe he was fooling himself?

A big fat frown crosses his face.

I mean, come on! Sasuke wouldn't be mad that he sent a picture of his butt… Right?

His plushy!

There,

Safe and sound.

Too close... Oh so close...

He's not disturbed okay?

He just loves his plushy.

So yah... He did send a picture of his butt, but that was before he got all sappy in the letter.

Including that he was alone.

Heh,

Now he and Sasuke bastard have something in common.

He and Sasuke are both alone.

Though Naruto doubts Sasuke is lonely.

He was bad-he knows-for taking three days in replying back..

But school kept him busy.

And maybe he was still in disbelief that Sasuke actually wrote back?

Maybe he was after all... EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Is that a bug?!

Squash!

Squeaks!

'Ah! I'm dying!'

Since when could bugs talk?

Naruto eyes the dead bug warily, arms locked protectively around his plushy, laptop aside.

It's dead.

Good.

He clicks the send button.

Bed-time.

Yawn,

Logsoff and puts laptop away before stripping down to his boxers.

Yawns again,

Snuggle, snuggle.

Holds fox close.

Lights are off.

Maybe he won't be so alone now...

BETA GUYS!!! Thanks to yours truly, Oraday, the sweet heart! She beta my story!! OMG I LOVE HER! She's just so sweet and rules so frigging much so kudos' to her! Remember to check out her work! Everything here on out will be beta! GAH! I love her! Kawi! Now you know the drill guys.

Like it? Hate it? Omg you guys!!! I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH! You have no idea how much your support and reviews lifted my spirit that is why I am decating this story to the ones who reviewed me. You guys are just too sweet and I just feel like I'm going to cry from your reviews. LOL. And no, I wasn't quitting writing! Heck no! I was just trying to make a point! You can't like everyones stories but it doesn't mean you should bash the writer for crying out loud! Thats why I stop writing in the first place because I thought my stories weren't good enough anymore and it wasn't worth writing. It became more of a chore that something to love and honestly? When the author says don't worry about reviewing? REVIEW! They want feedback! LOL. And apologizes for the many 'bastard' name banishing on poor Sasuke! I love him but thats Naruto! He doesn't have a long vocabulary. Winks And now you know what Naruto sent poor Sasuke and now you know Naruto knows that its Sasuke he's talking to! No one's that dense. Hehehehe. Enjoy guys! Ttul!!

P.S. Naruto does go to the same school and he does get good grades, just not the A's as you hope for our Naruto. Just thought I clear that up!! Chapter four is on its way!

Byes!


	4. Chapter 4

When life gives you Emails.

Its Friday,

Now Naruto wasn't one to state the obvious but,

Didn't Sasuke bastard email him back awfully quickly?

Needy bastard ain't he?

He wasn't expecting a reply back.

Not soon, if any at all.

Surprise, surprise.

Naruto pokes a finger in his ear, twists and turns before pulling it back out.

He really needs to clean his ears.

Something Iruka-Sensei loves to remind him of ever so often.

Wipes wax on rug.

Yes he's on the floor with his plushy and laptop.

He wants to be one with nature…

Or at least one with his rug.

Turns back to screen.

Now as far as Naruto is concerned? Sasuke, although a little arrogant, forgave him...

O.O

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He misspelled apology!

No not him,

Sasuke.

Camera whips out of no where.

Say cheese Sasuke.

Click, Flash.

Naruto just can't believe it.

The great Uchiha is a bad speller.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

He can't wait to rub this in his...

FUCK!!

Naruto smacks his poor plushie away knocking laptop over in the process of throwing a tantrum.

Pouts,

Now he can't make fun of him or he'll know.

What's worse then the wrath of Uchiha?...

No, those are scary too…

Its just a horny Uchiha is a lot worse because the bastard would molest him.

After all, Sasuke saw his butt. Who wouldn't molest that?!

Shhh!!!

It's a bad thing!

And he means,

Sasuke Uchiha.

Not,

Itachi Uchiha.

Naruto blushes as he straightens his laptop right side up and pulls plushy close.

He can't believe he hurt his poor plushy.

Coo's over plushy.

You see what Sasuke bastard made him do?

Looks around nervously.

Okay, no one's around.

Good.

Takes deep breath and eyes screen.

He hasn't written back yet...

He won't rush...

He's having issues, seriously.

Mental.

Really.

He does not like Sasuke.

The guy's a jerk.

He admits that out in the open,

In front of everyone.

Squirming slightly, Naruto pouts cutely.

Here alone?

He... Can admit...

He likes...

Shudders,

He likes Sasuke...

Naruto's head droops before he sighs and goes back to finishing his message to Sasuke.

This is why he can't tell him.

Sasuke would use that to his advantage...

Though that's not what he's worried about.

Clicks send,

Logs off.

He's afraid of rejection.

Goes to kitchen,

Shuffles through cabinets.

Click,

Bing,

Watchs popcorn being popped in microwave.

Holds plushy close.

This is his life.

Going to school,

Chat endlessly on internet,

Nothing else.

Some life huh?

Bing,

Takes popcorn.

Bedroom.

Climbs in bed,

Bowl in lap,

Plushies held close.

Click

Tv on.

Flips through channels...

Yeah...

Some life this is...

BETA GUYS!!! Thanks to yours truly, Oraday, the sweet heart! She beta my story!! OMG I LOVE HER! She's just so sweet and rules so frigging much so kudos' to her! Remember to check out her work! Everything here on out will be beta! GAH! I love her! Kawi! Now you know the drill guys.

Like it? Hate it? GAH! I need to write back to some of my loyal reviewers!! Don't forget guys! Everything's beta now!

I won't be updating probably on this site since not many people are taking to this story but you can find it on or tonfa…If anyone is still interested in this story. Thank you guys to those who had reviewed.

Ttul!


	5. Chapter 5

When life gives you Emails.

Saturday.

Munch,

Munch,

Munch.

Whoever invented pizza is a frigging genius.

Not as smart as he,

Sasuke Uchiha.

Hn.

Pausing in mid bite, Sasuke places the half eaten slice aside and wipes his hands off before going back to his Cum, Cum Paradise entry.

Yes, that's right.

Latest chapter 15.

He's that brilliant.

And weirded out.

Has anyone seen his last review?

Oraday, on is his biggest stalker.

And,

Fan?

She's obsessed, that girl, but she at least has a clue!

Sasuke and Naruto forever!

Bet the dobe doesn't even know he's being stalked.

The idiot.

Fuming darkly, he leans back in his chair.

Recently his mood has been souring.

No one gets that he's gay.

Yes he's decided that since it's too much trouble being straight.

Especially since one girl doesn't leave him the hell alone.

Sakura Haruno.

The bitch.

Taking his Naru-kun's attention away from him...

The whore.

Naruto's MINE!!!!

M-I-N-E!!! Mine!

Of course the ditz doesn't get it.

Breathe Sasuke breathe.

Pep-talking to himself is necessary.

If Sasuke could he would commit murder.

Mayhem...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Okay, Sasuke freaky-moment is clear.

Pressing two fingers to the middle of his brows, he squints before going back to typing.

This chapter?

It will not be a happy one.

Sasuke doesn't like the dobe.

Why is it fair the baka gets to be so cute as to entice him this much?

It's a law against nature.

That's what it is.

He pauses before gagging.

He was glad no one was around to hear him say that...

Shh...

Looks around...

Okay,

It's safe.

Hellish girls.

The tell-tale 'You've Got Mail' ding sounds.

With a roll of the eyes, he clicks the e-mail open.

-FoxyS30

What are you wearing?-

FS3

Twitch,

Twitch.

Was that even Foxy?

-SasUKE

What kind of a question is that?

Click,

Send.

Seconds…

Minutes…

5-4-3-2-1...

'You've Got Mail' ding.

-FoxyS30

Just answer the question teme.-

FS3

Eyebrows,

Both,

Raise.

No it couldn't be...

Sends another reply.

Ding,

Opens mail.

-FoxyS30

That's a no on the undies then?

Snickers-

FS3

That no good...

Sasuke blanks his features considerably before replying back.

-SasUKE

WTF? Idiot.

This time when the bing goes went off he's ready for it.

-FoxyS30

Don't get mad. I wasn't tryin to be mean. Stop bein so uptight. :(

FS3

Wow… The idiot apologized in his own stupid way.

And Sasuke is not uptight.

See?

Rolls shoulders.

Not tense.

But this baka is dense.

Ignore the rhyming.

But...

If anyone was looking or had the cameras rolling...

They would see the ever so slight smile that crossed the Uchiha's face as he chatted with the idiot for the rest of the night.

Like it? Hate it? GAH! Omg guys! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME! Thank you so much for your reviews and honest concerns. I'm feeling a lot better thanks to all your encouragement including my sweet beta! She so rules! THANK U ORADAY! You guys must check out her stories! I love each and everyone of them just give her a break on the updates! She's been really busy and that's why this chapter came out late too. Forgive her like I did? Ttul!


	6. Chapter 6

When life gives you Emails.

Warnings?

VItalicsSong lyrics

'Juice Box, Paper Hat, and a Line of Pixie Stix' is property of Daniel Hunter/PlayRadioPlay! (Go here to take a listen: many surfaces so colorless and bland  
I've got so many colors in my new box in my hand  
One day I'll think about getting high  
But today I'm just gonna color the sky

_Start with the blue and draw circular clouds  
Then with the green, I add the food for the cows  
Next with the red, I'll draw a house too small  
For any real person but that don't matter at all_

Twirls,

Dances across kitchen floor while listening to PlayRadioPlay!: Juice Box, Paper Hat, and a Line of Pixie Stix.

Naruto is just that graceful isn't he?

While waiting for the newest Chrono Crusade, Episode 7 to upload on his laptop, Naruto decides it's time to boogie.

Twirling in mid air, he catches his plushy, landing gracefully once again on his two feet.

_Brown bird with a triangular beak  
Yellow legs with three lines for feet  
A green car with circular headlights  
Bust out the scissors, gonna bring this drawing to life_

I am so cute ain't I:P

The familiar 'You've Got Mail' ding from his bedroom makes the terrible ballerina pause in mid-leap before...

BANG!!!

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Naruto growls before shoving himself from the floor and runs to his bedroom, jumping onto the bed with a happy sigh before settling.

Places sweet plushie aside,

Sets laptop on, you guessed it, lap.

Another email?

From Sasuke no less!

This is a first...

Sasuke never emails him first.

Never.

Blue eyes gaze at the screen distrustfully...

What could the Uchiha heir want?

Opens mail.

-SasUKE

...Whatcha doing?

Uke-

Blink,

Blink...

Is he on crack? Why would he ask him such a thing? He must be bored... It's... Naruto squinted his eyes at the timer on his laptop.

1:00a.m.

Mmm...

Wonder if he still has his cotton candy flavored gum?

No sense looking for it...

O.O

Note to self: Look for gum.

Now what was he trying to figure out about the bastard?

Naruto's stalling his reply, he knows that, but come on!

The Uchiha never asks a person, from this planet that he knows of, 'whatcha doing?'

It's so...weird...

And kinda… Maybe… Sorta touching..

Was Sasuke asking how his day was? Or what he's doing right now?

Bites lower lip...

Well he could ask couldn't he?

-FoxyS30

R u asking me how my day was or what I'm doing right now? Stop confusing me baka.

FS3-

Hehehehehe

That should get him..

'You've Got Mail' sounded in the quiet room and then Naruto, after locating his sweet gum, went back to the conversation at hand.

If you could even call it a 'conversation'…

-SasUKE

Don't be stupid. I was just asking. Make of it what you will.

Uke-

Cold ice prick...

Naruto pursed his lips together, pouting lightly before sending another email...

-FoxyS30

Did his girliness wake up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin? Plus you ask'd me what I was doin! Not the other way around baka so don't get nasty with me ok!?!?!!

FS3-

There that should...

Ding.

Sigh,

Opens mail.

-SasUKE

So what if I did? You still didn't answer my question and you're still wasting my time. Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? The dictionary should have your picture next to the word 'idiot'.

Uke-

Well, well, well...

Sasuke likes to insult him... That's for damn sure...

Naruto didn't even bother to reply back, he just deleted the email and shut down the laptop angrily before roughly placing it to the side without caring that he could ruin the expensive equipment.

THAT JERKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

CHOKE!

GAH!

Chew gum goes flying...

Naruto falls back into his bed breathing harshly...

That was too close...

Naruto...quietly picks up his plushy and hugs it close as hateful tears start to prick his eyes.

Why does he even bother?

The dumb jerk...

Sniffling pitifully, Naruto rolls over and curls around his plushy...

…

_Juice Box Paper Hat and a Line of Pixie Stix_

_Juice Box Paper Hat and a Line of Pixie Stix_

_I wanna be the one there  
To draw you pictures and play with your hair…_

Music's still playing.

Forgotten...

No pleasant dreams tonight for Naruto...

GAH!!! Like it? Hate it? I LOVE ORADAY! She frigging rocks so remember to t-weed thank her! She suggested the song! You can find it here at,  Remember you'll find it on the first list and more awesome songs too! The one-shots are coming along fairly well! I have one down, second half way done, and then I'm finishing the one-shot I started with shikamaru and chouji.


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